Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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