my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
