im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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