I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
