absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
