please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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