Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
