we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
