no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
