pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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