come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
