The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
