I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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