maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
