This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Even my vagina gasped.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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