3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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