i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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