Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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