just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
