how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
