I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
