He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize