I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
