WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
