Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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