thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize