New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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