apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
