I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
