you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
