she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
