I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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