I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize