You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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