..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
