There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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