You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
