Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
