I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
