Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
