True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
