Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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