Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
wow bdsm is so cute
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
