This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
