Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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