I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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