I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
