You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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