do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
