so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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