I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Everclear isn't food dammit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
