The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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