I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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