I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
