Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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