So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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