Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
