is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
