Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
