I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
