You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
