My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
