I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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