i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
