I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
