Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
