I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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