The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
FUCK WHALES
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
